邁向30歲心靈物語:當你想要追逐陽光,就得先解決背後的黑暗。

        還沒看Leo的The Great Gatsby,倒是先看了Robin的舊電影Good Will Hunting。這套電影中文譯名為“心靈捕手”,我還真覺得這電影好看得捕獲了我的心靈。當Sean重複用堅定的語氣跟Will說:“this is not your fault”的時候,我還是忍不住哭了。

        真的,我由衷相信這句話對多年來質疑自己究竟做錯了什麽的Will有著最大的療愈功效。

        這是一個天才的故事。它關乎天分、破碎的家庭、暴力事件、恐懼、叛逆、迷茫、相愛又不敢愛的故事……也關於愛與救贖。Will是一個天才,也同時是一個孤兒。他在大學里當清潔工人,半夜偷偷解答了教授在黑板上提出的難題。Will的天賦被發現了,同時也因為鬧事而被監禁,教授把未滿21歲的他保了出來。不用被監禁有兩個條件,一時要跟教授一起做數學研究,二是要見心理醫生。

        叛逆又太聰明的Will把所有心理醫生都氣走了,直到他遇到了Sean。他們之間的對話總是叫人感動,其中有一段最叫我感到可怕。可怕的原因可能就在於,Sean教授講中了我的心事:

        SEAN:So,if I asked you about art,you'd probably give me the skinny on Every art book ever written.Michelangelo.You know a lot about him:life's work,political aspirations,him and the Pope,sexual orientation,the whole works,right?
But I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel.You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling…seen that.
If I ask you about women,you'll probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites.You may have even been laid a few times.But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy.
You're a tough kid.
And I ask you about war,you'd probably,uh,throw Shakespeare at me,right?"Once more unto the breach,dear friends…"But you've never been near one.You've never held your best friend's head in your lap…and watched him gasp his last breath,lookin'to you for help.
I ask you about love,you'll probably quote me a sonnet.But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable……known someone that could level you with her eyes……feelin'like God put an angel on earth just for you……who could rescue you from the depths of hell……and you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel……to have that love for her,be there forever…through anything…through cancer.
And you wouldn't know about sleeping sittin'up in a hospital room for two months,holding her hand,because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms"visiting hours"don't apply to you.
You don't know about real loss……'cause that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself.I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much.I look at you.I don't see an intelligent,confident man.I see a cocky,scared-shitless kid.But you're a genius,Will.No one denies that.No one could possibly understand the depths of you.But you presume to know everything about me,because you saw a painting of mine.You ripped my fuckin'life apart.
        
        我覺得Sean說得太對了!你憑什麼評斷我的人生?你嘗試過最深切的失去嗎?你瞭解我過什麼樣的生活嗎?你知道我多少呢?你以為看過很多書就瞭解了天底下的一切嗎?不,你還離得很遠。

        在豆瓣上看到這則故事,覺得真是個很棒的故事,特摘錄下來,隨時可以看看提醒自己,有時候我們真的不必懂什麽大道理,我們只要學會做一隻蘑菇就行了。
        有一个精神病人,以为自己是一只蘑菇,于是他每天都撑着一把伞蹲在房间的墙角里,不吃也不喝,像一只真正的蘑菇一样。 

  心理医生想了一个办法。有一天,心理医生也撑了一把伞,蹲坐在了病人的旁边。病人很奇怪地问:你是谁呀?医生回答:我也是一只蘑菇呀。病人点点头,继续做他的蘑菇。 

  过了一会儿,医生站了起来,在房间里走来走去,病人就问他:你不是蘑菇么,怎么可以走来走去?医生回答说:蘑菇当然也可以走来走去啦!病人觉得有道理,就也站起来走走。 

  又过了一会儿,医生拿出一个汉堡包开始吃,病人又问:咦,你不是蘑菇么,怎么可以吃东西?医生理直气壮地回答:蘑菇当然也可以吃东西呀!病人觉得很对,于是也开始吃东西。 

  几个星期以后,这个精神病人就能像正常人一样生活了,虽然,他还觉得自己是一只蘑菇。 

  从这个故事里,我懂得了两个道理。 

  第一,一个人可以带着过去的创伤继续生活,只要他把悲伤放在心里的一个圈圈里,不要让苦痛浸染了他的整个生命,他就可以像正常人一样快乐的生活。 

  第二,当一个人悲伤得难以自持的时候,也许,他不需要太多的劝解和安慰,训诫和指明,他需要的,只是能有一个人在他身边蹲下来,陪他做一只蘑菇。 

        坦白說,我覺得Will還是幸運的,他有著我們沒有的天賦,他可以選擇做還是不做,最後他還遇上了伯樂。而平凡如你我,若要掙脫枷鎖,要改變習慣的慣性思維,還有很長很長的一段路要走。

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